Fatherless Generation

note : this post i present to every son whose have the same situation with me. an fatherless generation. even maybe we have a father in flesh but never have them as the real father. but this is not a reason for us to take an unresponsible act. we are what we choose to be, not by the situation on it. CHOOSE the RIGHT

i was born on sunday september 7th 1980. my father name is Hasan, my mother name is Sarah (Gouw Han Nio). my mother is the 3rd wife, but she never know it, not until i was born, so they divorce whan i was a baby. i trully never know my father. what he look like. my grandma said that i very much like him. and unfortunately i inherit his bad habbit. but i always pray that this curse to be broken by the name of Christ.

couple year after, my mom married again with and Army, Iswandi. this is the father i know. according to my mom stories, when i was a child, he so good to me, that makes mom want to marry him. but i feel dad, is a type of un care person, he never care for me ( he neither good, nor bad, jut uncare) but i think uncare = he never realy love me. his kindness for me in earlier when i was a child is artificial. i inherit this characteristic too, i become uncare person, "cueK' in Indonesian language.

Iswandi is very not type of a father, he never care about family. He always think about him self, even to his doughter ilda (my sister, diferent father). he drink alot, almost everyday. couple time he go with a prostitute. he also have an affair with other woman in central java and have a doughter. that hurt us (mom & i) much. but i get a lesson, that disroyalty destroy a family. i promise to my self, when i have a family, i shall swore to be faithfull till dead separate us.

he never teach me about anything, he never be with me when i need him. i never felt father's love. i only know mother' love, even she love dad more than me. i already adult now, ready to built a family. but i never know how to be a father, coz i never see a father figure in my family before.

in december 2004, he died, becaouse diabetic and kidney disorder after just a 1 month sickness. maybe because he drunk alot in the past. but he left a very much debt. fisrtly when he try to be intermediary in a car sale, in reality it was a stolen car, so my dad must pay about Rp. 25.000.000 (almost 3000 USD) or he 'll go to jail. the second one is when he get sick, hospital fee, and funeral in Padang it cost nearly Rp. 20.000.000 (over 2000 USD). so he left us with a very much debt. we must sold everything we have to pay that debt, gold, celular phone and onther, bust still not enaough. and until now i must pay the debt, few by few, i dont know when it could be PAID. i hate him alot of it. its seem i'll never forgive him.
its oke if he never love me. but why i must pay all the debt? i have a dream to, i want to buy a house, a vehicle, married and built a family. but how come that be if i must pay that much debt? God, please give me a heart to forgive each other

i thanks to God, HE put me in the right way. i know Christ since i was young, i love go to church. Jesus in my real Father. He always been there for me. I told HIM everything. my joy n my tears, He know anything. i feel the Father's Heart in Him. He love me so much, He proud just as i'm. and so do i. friend, i want to share u, if u in the same situation with me, maybe your father to busy, or u having a problem with him, go to JESUS, He's a superdad, best friend, wonderfull listener and a Great helper.